Archives for posts with tag: PTSD

     So today I was having a discussion with my Brother Robbie Grayson. I as some of you know am a high school drop out. I have my GED. I like to call it my Good Enough Diploma. I’ve never been to college, so I never pledged to a frat. However I did join a Fraternity. I am a combat veteran. I am proud of what I have done as a professional Soldier. God has blessed me in abundance with it even through all the adversity I have endured. But right now I want to explain the difference between my frat and yours and to hopefully erase the lines between us.
     In my frat we will do anything we can to help a brother or sister out. You will in yours too! The difference is simply this. We will stand between the barrel of a gun for our brothers and sisters. LITERALLY! We have been trained to move past fear! to not allow it to be a contributing factor in our decision  making process. We have done it, We will do it again. This is the only difference in our fraternities.

     There are a lot of times where we seam as if we don’t trust anyone other than fellow warriors. That’s not honestly the full truth. It’s more of we have become so indoctrinated into the Military life stye that we no longer know how to trust someone who isn’t in the Fraternity with us! Don’t take it personal. Just be patient and give it time, It’s really only two things that we desire from you. Your friendship and patience. We know it will be hard for you to understand. So, we wont ask for that.

So, thanks for reading, and listening to my rant.

So most days I send out a text message to almost everyone in my phone asking what I can pray for them for that day, and a couple days ago I received a message that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. “Please pray that I didn’t make a mistake in choosing this job as a career path”, or something to that effect. It made me think really hard. I have been beating myself up for a while now for having chosen to do what I am doing as a Soldier because of the strain it has caused my family. I know we all do this. We give advice to those who ask it but never take our own advice! Yeah, it’s not just you. I am retarded too!

But it made me think a lot about the paths that we as people, Christians, Soldiers, Head of our families and more choose. If it goes wrong, is it truly a mistake? Or is it a lesson learned? I don’t think there are a lot of things in this life that we should consider a mistake, unless of course we don’t learn anything from it. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So if you or I make a choice, and it doesn’t work out, I feel as long as we learned from it, we then grew as a person! Therefore it isn’t a mistake but a lesson.

My point is this. Just because something doesn’t work out the way we planned, doesn’t equal mistakes made. They are lessons in life that we use to grow. So stop beating yourself up for making a choice that you think didn’t work out, when it actually did. It’s not truly a mistake! So I am no longer going to beat myself up over the choice to re-enter the military which caused two deployments. I ended up with PTSD, and lost 28 months of time with my wife, sons and daughter. Because I know God will heal those wounds. And I know that I am a better person today than I was 7 years ago.

Thanks for reading and stop beating yourself up over the small stuff. God bless you!

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So I am about to step out on a limb and go off for a moment. Now at the bottom of this blog I will place to links. One, to an article written about a presidential executive order, and second to the actual text of the EO itself. But first I must explain a couple things so that everyone knows what we are discussing. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) You can have one without the other or have them both. PTSD is the body’s reaction to living through a Visually, Physically or Mentally Traumatic experience. Watching someone die, being shot at, and hearing explosions, IED’s, RPG’s, Combat, being robbed at gun point and more. TBI is having a physical jolt to the head in such a way that it damages a portion of the brain. A TBI can cause hearing loss, memory loss, severe head-aches and more.

Not every veteran who suffers from one or both of these is a violent individual! I will say that again. Not every veteran who suffers from one or both of these is a violent individual! Just because we have PTSD, TBI or both doesn’t make us dangerous. There is of course a select few who are the exception to this rule. But the majority is not that way. Do me a favor! Do all veterans a favor! Do not help to perpetuate the stereotype that all Soldiers have PTSD and that all People with PTSD are violent and should be feared.

The elected officials in this nation feel that there is a need to have a national database where anyone diagnosed with PTSD or TBI should be registered. Gee thanks a bunch. I thought we were trying to make it where it was no longer uncomfortable or fear of your career or how you would be treated if you seek help. That seems to be counterproductive if you ask me. I see a lot of brothers and sister who will be needing help in the future afraid to get it yet again! Thanks!

Not everyone suffering from this is on drugs. I take medication to help me sleep and to help me from having a panic attack in public. I pray that someday God will bless me with being able to control all this without medication. But just because a Soldier or veteran is on medication doesn’t mean they are a risk or a hazard to the community and should have to register themself or that their doctors should be forced to register them! You know what almost all of us with PTSD and TBI want? Understanding that we have these conditions doing what less than 1% of the nation is doing. Serving! Patience with us as we are re learning how to function around non-military people. Believe it or not, there is a huge difference.

Thank you all for reading. God bless you and here are the links on this issue.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2012/08/31/executive-order-improving-access-mental-health-services-veterans-service

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I really, really don’t get it! Look, I’m not a fan of the current political peoples in power. Personally I wanted to vote for Ron Paul. For those of you who have been following this bog you know I suffer from PTSD. But you know what I am getting really tired of? Do you? I am sick of people spreading propaganda! It is starting to tick me off to no end. You know what 90% of us who have PTSD want? We want to be understood. Yeah we have a short temper, but it doesn’t make s all crazy vets who are to be feared! Oh no, He signed an Executive Order (EO)! And now I am going to paraphrase everything in it and stretch the truth to have it fit my agenda! HELLO! Now you are the main stream media!

Seriously, stop spreading the bull crap and the lies and twisting things to meet your own personal agenda! How about do the freaking research! Study it and then post or write about it objectively! Otherwise, shut up! You are wasting your and all of our time. I’m not defending the current policy makers. But man, if you are twisting facts and making things up your no better than what you are trying to tear down!

Here is a good example for most of you. A recent CNBC headline and short story said the following.
“House Democrat Serrano tries to alter Constitution, end presidential term limits”

Does this tell you how many times Congressman Serrano has tried to do this? Every two years since 1997. It’s not like he is on the payroll. This isn’t something new. My point is, if you are not part of the solution or in other words, trying to help make things better for your fellow man, then you are part of the problem. Thanks for reading.

God bless you

 

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Hello! I hope you are all having a blessed and awesome day! Mine was pretty good. Spent time at work with some cool people, and came home to an awesome wife and kids. In case you haven’t all noticed this blog is more of a place for me to vent, ponder and clear my head. It will be very random at times and will probably drive literature teachers bonkers. But hey, that is the honest and real me. I don’t regret the 16 years I have served in the army. Some were good and some of course sucked, but, as my dad always said, not consecutively. But there are a few things I do regret. I regret what it has done to my body and my mind. I regret the time I have lost with my family, and I regret the wedge that was driven between me and my oldest son. You see, it has made me a forced extrovert. I bet you never thought you would hear that!

You see, to everyone I seem like an outgoing guy. Yeah, that’s not me, not the real me. I would rather sit at home watch the world pass by on the news and facebook. If I never had to leave my home or pick up a phone ever again I would be fine with that. I get agitated every time I go to walmart or the mall or the store. I don’t even like picking up the phone to call people. Ask my moms. I come from a slightly complex background. In short I was raised by one mom birthed by another and I love them both. The rest of that one is for another day. So, this has caused a serious rift between me and my oldest son who lives with his mom. I haven’t been as available as I should be due to deployments and then the aftermath. I think the hardest part about it is the fact that I stare at my phone wanting to call or test him and I get a feeling in my gut like he wouldn’t respond or answer if I did. I love my kids, all three of them. But we Gaskin men have a way of alienating the people in our lives who are not right in front of us. My grandfather did it. My father did it and now I am doing it.

It makes me feel like I am staring down the barrel of a generational curse. How the heck to you break something like that? And just so you know, I’m not drumming for sympathy. I’m truly not. I mean what the hell is wrong with a dad who can’t pick up the phone and call his mom on a regular basis. Who can’t text or call his son? This is probably, to me, the biggest battle I face right now. With my temper the way it is, my anxiety and nightmares, all of them together are nothing compared to what it feels like to stare at a phone and not have the will to dial or text. So, if any of you know what I can do or have some advice, please let me know. I’m begging you. So I feel like I might start drifting into something else from here. But I will say it here one last time. I love my wife, Paige! I love my Children and am so proud of them, Brandon, Colin and Solaya! I love my family and friends. So please be patient and understanding with me.

God bless you all and thanks for reading!