I really, really don’t get it! Look, I’m not a fan of the current political peoples in power. Personally I wanted to vote for Ron Paul. For those of you who have been following this bog you know I suffer from PTSD. But you know what I am getting really tired of? Do you? I am sick of people spreading propaganda! It is starting to tick me off to no end. You know what 90% of us who have PTSD want? We want to be understood. Yeah we have a short temper, but it doesn’t make s all crazy vets who are to be feared! Oh no, He signed an Executive Order (EO)! And now I am going to paraphrase everything in it and stretch the truth to have it fit my agenda! HELLO! Now you are the main stream media!

Seriously, stop spreading the bull crap and the lies and twisting things to meet your own personal agenda! How about do the freaking research! Study it and then post or write about it objectively! Otherwise, shut up! You are wasting your and all of our time. I’m not defending the current policy makers. But man, if you are twisting facts and making things up your no better than what you are trying to tear down!

Here is a good example for most of you. A recent CNBC headline and short story said the following.
“House Democrat Serrano tries to alter Constitution, end presidential term limits”

Does this tell you how many times Congressman Serrano has tried to do this? Every two years since 1997. It’s not like he is on the payroll. This isn’t something new. My point is, if you are not part of the solution or in other words, trying to help make things better for your fellow man, then you are part of the problem. Thanks for reading.

God bless you

 

ooops

Wow, do you ever just zone out? One thing that I am so tired of is walking into a room and having no idea why I am there.  That wouldn’t be so bad except it happens like 3 times a day. I have friends right now that are coming home from Afghanistan and others who just got there or are still there. This is the first time since I have been on active duty that I am not deploying and it feels really weird, almost like I have let my brothers and sisters down because I am not there with them.  I will be retiring soon and the army will go on without me. But the friends you make at war are a different breed of friends. There are a choice few that I have made since I have been in the military that will be family to me for the rest of my life. This isn’t to take away from the friends I have made outside the military. It’s just different. But I know that if it wasn’t for God surrounding me with the people he has, I wouldn’t be who or where I am today.

My wife and my three children are the biggest blessings I could have ever asked for! There is no doubt about that! We all need mentors as well. Sometimes we choose them and sometimes they choose us. And there is a time where I believe it is a divine appointment. Neither one of us chose each other; God placed us there for a reason. When I first joined the National guard in ’94 I was assigned to Charlie company 1/293rd Infantry, 1st platoon. I was the only medic for the entire company for almost two years. My platoon sgt swept me up and gave me no choice about the fact he was my mentor. I owe him more credit than he will ever know.

Let’s not forget the fact that we can mentor each other without even knowing it. Two of my best friends Ranger and Airborne, were instrumental in mentoring me when I transitioned into the infantry. And it seemed we held each other up and mentored each other the entire time without even knowing it! But we as Christians forget about mentoring each other as spiritual leaders or followers. This is where I feel the divine appointments come in. One of my best friends is a pastor, musician, husband, father, business owner and all around awesome dude! I thank God for the fact I have had the honor of being mentored by him. I don’t even think he knows how much I have learned from him.

What are we giving back? Are we taking the knowledge we get from our mentors, our friends and passing it on? Are we doing what we can do make our small parts of the world a better place? Some of us are. But sadly enough, the majority of us are not. I have seen a huge change for example in the military in leadership. We have been a nation at war for over 10 years. That has caused for rushed promotions to fill voids. When you rush that along so does the mentoring! It in a sense stops once they get promoted. Now the military isn’t the only place this happens, it’s just a personal example and where I have the most experience.  So start spreading the knowledge. Start teaching without forcing. Lead by serving!

God bless you and thanks for reading!

 

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So I have a three day weekend! Epic! Love the three and four day weekends. Today is going to be a little different. I will complain for just a moment then, Offer a very awesome type of therapy for anyone to try! So, here is my complaining!

I was a landscaper for 20 years. While doing that job for ten years I applied commercially, pesticides to people’s lawns. While mixing and applying I was required to wear specific protective equipment. We learned that there is a certain type of absorption that happens through the skin. Whether it is liquid or powder didn’t matter. So, know this, when you go grocery shopping and you buy vegetables and fruits you wash them before you eat them. Why, because they have been what is called over sprayed with pesticides that you do not want to eat, but you will buy and eat Monsanto’ genetically engineered food.  It has Pesticides genetically added to its DNA. You buy it and you eat it! Seriously!? There is a saying that has been around for years, “You are what you eat”. So why would you want to eat that? You are simply ingesting pesticide. “Oh, but they have done tests. It’s such a low level of poison that it isn’t harmful to us.” Yeah, Right! I believe that as much as I trust our government.

Have you looked at the correlation between when Monsanto’s GMO food entered the food market, to the rise of cancer, ADHD, Autism and birth defects have risen? When you eat something over and over and over, like a poison or something caustic one of three things happen.

  1. You become immune to it like over exposure to penicillin
  2. You become slowly poisoned by it slowly killing yourself.
  3. It alters you own genetic make-up when you transfer to your children creating the same problems listed above.

Why would you want to subject yourself to that? Better yet why would you want to subject your

family and friends to it? That’s just ridiculous. Here is what I say you do. Go online, Google Monsanto, get a Netflix account and watch food INC., Farmaggeden and anything else that pops up because you watched….. Educate yourself so that you know what is going on and what you are putting into your body! For those of you who know me you already know that I have PTSD. For those of you who don’t there you go. When I was officially diagnosed my Therapist told me to get a dog or start a garden or something. I told that to my wife who was starting to wake up and paying attention to what we were eating and she said, you’re starting a garden. I of course said yes ma’am. (at times I am a smart man)

So I started a small raised bed garden in my backyard here on base. Thee boxes that are 4 foot by 4 foot 12 inches deep. I bought untreated wood, organic soil and organic compost. I filled them and have grown and harvested the following.

  1. Corn
  2. Green beans
  3. Sweet peas
  4. Okra
  5. Sweet potatoes
  6. Potatoes
  7. Sweet peppers
  8. Yellow squash
  9. Zucchini
  10. Broccoli
  11. Lettuce
  12. Spinach
  13. Cilantro
  14. Basil
  15. Garlic
  16. Wheat
  17. Kale
  18. Cucumbers

This is just in one and a half years. I have also learned how to harvest my own seed from what I

am growing. Which will of course save me money in the long run. I don’t have the exact figures for what I have saved by doing this. But it isn’t that hard or expensive. It is healthier and better for you. It takes very little time to invest to it. I literally spent 10 minutes a day actually working in my garden. The sprinkler was as simple as turn it on, let it run. Turn it off. The other ten minutes consisted of harvesting, weeding, and spraying with homemade organic bug repellant.  Let me know if you want a recipe for the bug repellant. It is way easy.

So it has honestly helped. When I have a bad day, or my Temper is kicking, I go work on my garden. It helps a ton. And my initial investment was 270. I have saved close to 600-1000 in produce. That is my guesstimate. Thanks for reading. God bless you!

Be someones Inspiration to do something great! The world doesn’t need more decimation!~ Malachias Gaskin

 

My garden at the moment

Hello! I hope you are all having a blessed and awesome day! Mine was pretty good. Spent time at work with some cool people, and came home to an awesome wife and kids. In case you haven’t all noticed this blog is more of a place for me to vent, ponder and clear my head. It will be very random at times and will probably drive literature teachers bonkers. But hey, that is the honest and real me. I don’t regret the 16 years I have served in the army. Some were good and some of course sucked, but, as my dad always said, not consecutively. But there are a few things I do regret. I regret what it has done to my body and my mind. I regret the time I have lost with my family, and I regret the wedge that was driven between me and my oldest son. You see, it has made me a forced extrovert. I bet you never thought you would hear that!

You see, to everyone I seem like an outgoing guy. Yeah, that’s not me, not the real me. I would rather sit at home watch the world pass by on the news and facebook. If I never had to leave my home or pick up a phone ever again I would be fine with that. I get agitated every time I go to walmart or the mall or the store. I don’t even like picking up the phone to call people. Ask my moms. I come from a slightly complex background. In short I was raised by one mom birthed by another and I love them both. The rest of that one is for another day. So, this has caused a serious rift between me and my oldest son who lives with his mom. I haven’t been as available as I should be due to deployments and then the aftermath. I think the hardest part about it is the fact that I stare at my phone wanting to call or test him and I get a feeling in my gut like he wouldn’t respond or answer if I did. I love my kids, all three of them. But we Gaskin men have a way of alienating the people in our lives who are not right in front of us. My grandfather did it. My father did it and now I am doing it.

It makes me feel like I am staring down the barrel of a generational curse. How the heck to you break something like that? And just so you know, I’m not drumming for sympathy. I’m truly not. I mean what the hell is wrong with a dad who can’t pick up the phone and call his mom on a regular basis. Who can’t text or call his son? This is probably, to me, the biggest battle I face right now. With my temper the way it is, my anxiety and nightmares, all of them together are nothing compared to what it feels like to stare at a phone and not have the will to dial or text. So, if any of you know what I can do or have some advice, please let me know. I’m begging you. So I feel like I might start drifting into something else from here. But I will say it here one last time. I love my wife, Paige! I love my Children and am so proud of them, Brandon, Colin and Solaya! I love my family and friends. So please be patient and understanding with me.

God bless you all and thanks for reading!

We were all young, and full of life and promise. Choosing to do a job no one else wanted. We weren’t “Volentold” we volunteered! It was a sense of duty for some. Just a job for others. Some did it to honor the family who came before them. All of us coming from different backgrounds, different lives. All having made different choices. Some have GED’s, some diplomas and some have degrees. Some even joined in order to get citizenship. But we all took the same oath, “to defend the constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic”. Some of us went to war and some of us didn’t. But it doesn’t matter! We are all Soldiers! Point and fact!

They say that life begins at conception. Some say it begins at birth. Me, I’m pro-life, but that is a discussion for another day on another topic. If you ask a Soldier when life begins you might get an entirely different answer. This answer comes from those of us who have seen war. The selected few who left part of who we are in a different land, almost like an entirely different world. But we need to understand there are three different Soldiers:

  1. Never deployed
  2. Deployed but never saw combat either direct or indirectly
  3. Deployed and saw either or both

The first time I deployed, I was number 3. The second time I deployed I was number 2 except for

one specific day.  But this isn’t so much about me but all of us who have seen the horrors of war. We are not looking for pity or sympathy, but understanding and patience. After your mind processes everything you have done or seen, it doesn’t work the same as it did before. You’ve seen things you cannot un-see. You have done things you cannot undo. You remember things when you don’t want to! It is not man’s nature to end life or to watch it end catastrophically. We know that we chose this job. No matter what reason, we chose. And now we have to deal with the aftermath of our choices. I mean come on, isn’t life in a nut shell about choices? What we have for a life is a direct reflection of the choices we have made.  No one put a gun to our head and said join the military. It was free will, plain and simple. But is it only the Soldier that suffers? No! It’s the spouse, the children friends and family.

We are husbands and wives, fathers and mothers. It’s our spouses and children that pay the price as much as we do if not more. We aren’t patient with our spouses as they deserve. We aren’t as attentive to our children as they need. They deserve more than that. Sometimes it’s more than we have to offer at the moment. It’s as if for us, the war we saw has never ended. We can handle High stress situations like its second nature. Things that most people will freak out about, kind of like the average person would react to breaking a pencil lead when they don’t even need a pencil. But God forbid we drop a soda, break a shovel working in the garden or a pet pee’s on a hard wood floor. Our adrenaline will completely explode out of our ears. Then there is the internal struggle. Why the heck am I so mad right now? There’s no reason for it. But, you’re still yelling and getting louder by the minute.

So, when does life begin? It’s not the beginning, but more of a new beginning. Being reborn under fire, dirt exploding, and dust surrounds you and the air cracking like a whip by your ear. Your muscles tighten. Your skin is on fire with adrenaline. You are super aware of your surroundings. Time slows, You see everything around you in super high def, every dust particle dancing on the wind. And you can process it like a calculator adding 2 plus 2. I personally have a few moments that until this were the ultimate. The birth of my children and my wedding day to my amazing and beautiful wife. But when I first experienced combat, true combat nothing else will make you feel so alive and aware of who and what you are.

The fact that combat gave me that feeling, disgusts me to my core! As a Christian, A husband and a father it’s as if I am at war with myself. Don’t get me wrong, PTSD is not owned by Soldiers. Anyone who goes through a traumatic event can develop it. 9 times out of 10 you don’t even realize you have it, or what’s wrong with you. At that can make it even worse. So at this point I feel like I am rambling on. So I will close for now. Thanks for reading.

God Bless you!

P.S. feel free to comment or share.

                So today I saw a picture of a T-shirt and it hit me. The shirt says “Don’t Bro me unless you know me”. It made me think of a few things. I have so many friends that are not or have never served in the military of any kind. Of course I in no way hold that against them. The military isn’t for everyone! That is a fact! But it brings me to this point. If a Soldier, Marine, Navy or Air force calls you brother…..You better respect that! It means something entirely different to us than it does to those who have not gone through what we have.

                It may seem trivial or inconsequential but it really isn’t. To us Brother-hood is something earned and then respected for life! No matter what happens we are there for each other. If you have a veteran as a friend, cherish that! Understand that it is a living breathing thing! For a lot of us it is hard to even put ourselves out there anymore. To extend and open up to new friendships is almost impossible. Not all of us, but most of us, come back damaged or having left part of ourselves in a foreign country. Left there to die and wither with the ones who never came home at all! I have random nights, days or moments where all of the sudden I have what is called an intrusive memory. And for the life of me I cannot get it out of my head. I just replay it over and over.

                I have conversations that get me upset, angry, livid even, and in my head during it I am yelling at myself, “why are you so angry?” or “dude, there is no reason to be yelling”. But on the outside I am exploding! I hate what I have become. I hate the fact that my family is going through all of this. I spend days and days where I don’t even want to leave the house. If I could grow and harvest everything my family needs to sustain I would never leave my home! And would be totally comfortable with this! Don’t get me wrong, I am not searching for pity. This is in an attempt to educate and enlighten what some of us go through. When I was diagnosed with PTSD I was more of like “really, this is why I am so P*ssed all the time?”

                It was almost a feeling of vindication. I know that a lot of this doesn’t make sense. But that itself is part of what it is like as well!

Thanks for paying attention!

God Bless!

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So here I am on Martin Luther King day, drinking my coffee and relaxing. At this point the inauguration is probably over, which I could care less about. I have been scrolling through my facebook for a little while catching up on the mundane things that are going on. Then I read a post from one of the gardening pages I am subscribed to. It is listing how people are facing jail time and fines for growing food in their front yards. Small plants. We are not talking corn here. We are talking Basil, cucumbers things like this in small organized raised beds. These cities that are prosecuting them for this don’t even have local code or laws written against this in any way. One city in Florida is fining a single mother of four and forcing her to replant grass or face jail time. And everyone in the neighborhood where she lives supports her. She is in no violation of any code. Not breaking any laws local, state or federal.  But she has been targeted by the local city for it.

Now mind you I have a small garden in my back yard her on the Army installation that we live on. It’s in my back yard because they pay for lawn maintenance to take care of everything outside of our fence and I want to keep them and the local kids out of my garden.

Here is my point. Don’t roll over and take it. Just because they are elected officials, just because they are police, you do not have to be bullied. If you are breaking a law or in the wrong, by all means do the right thing. But just because they are in a position of authority doesn’t give someone the right to bully. Now, not all of them do and I am not call for a revolution. My point is a common sense way of living. Stop prosecuting people for growing their own food on their own property. How about enforcing the laws that are costing lives, drugs, illegal gun ownership, things like that? Stop slamming on the easy target. I am sickened to see where this country has gone. We spend millions and millions of dollars to feed people overseas but we have homeless vet’s everywhere. We have a record number of people on food assistance. How about teach them how to grow their own food, and harvest the seeds for the following year? That’s a novel idea. You want to strengthen the economy? How about lifting the patent on food ownership from companies like Monsanto? Allow farmers to clean and reuse seed from what they harvest to supplement overhead.

Sorry, but that’s my incoherent rant for today.

God Bless!